The prize for best article-title-of-the-month goes to an article I found perusing the Journal of Family Psychology. The title was simply “Alexithymia and Marital Quality: The Mediating Roles of Loneliness and Intimate Communication.” Makes a psychologist proud.
Woody Allen said that the inspiration for the name “Annie Hall” came from the word “anhedonia,” which is psych-speak for the inability to feel emotions. Alexithymia, which very literally means “without words for emotion” and less literally means the inability to express your feelings, has a similar ring. So what should we name the lead character in our new verbally inspired film? “Alexis Hymen” comes to mind, although if I didn’t know a few people with that last name in Brooklyn I would think it had a distinct Ian Fleming ring to it.
Many people have improbable names. I knew a Peggy Beach who had a sister named Sandy. No kidding. And just the other day I was listening to CNBC and heard a political commentator being referred to as “Crystal Ball.” I thought it was a joke but by the third time she was announced that way I realized that was indeed her name.
My last name is improbable just because it is one of those names that is so rare. As a kid I was told that if I ever went traveling throughout the U.S. and needed a place to stay I should pick up a local phone book and look up my last name. If anyone had that name, they were related. Apparently, the Heilveils would do a lot to save a few dollars on a motel room if they could find someone to bum a room off of.
One of the key findings of the above-mentioned research was that “…higher alexithymia was associated with greater loneliness, which predicted lower intimate communication, which was related to lower marital quality.” The amount of data crunching that went into reaching that conclusion was enormous, and the research methodology was impressive, so now there is empirical support for what we already think we know.
Yes, dear, I know it’s important to tell you how I’m feeling, because that will make us more intimate, and then our marriage will be much better off. So, for the sake of our marriage, I want you to know that I am feeling sad that I am so inadequate at expressing my feelings, and guilty that because I am so lousy at this I am probably destroying our marriage, and really angry at those researchers for agreeing with you and making me look like the bad guy again.
That’s what Alex would say to Alexis, if only he could.