Some people I know fall asleep as easily as this laptop I am working on (and just as unpredictably).  This is for the rest of us who have trouble finding the rest in us.

I have long suspected that most of my insomnia has been caused by anxiety, a slightly more syllabic way of saying fear.  Fear, in my view and counter to Frank Roosevelt’s, is nothing to be afraid of and can be our best friend, but just like our best friends, sometimes our fears can talk too much and keep us up at night.   I have used and recommended a few sleep-inducing tricks over the years (see last post), but the most effective one of all is good old-fashioned paradox.

True insomniacs will tell you that staying awake can be just as challenging as falling asleep.  That is because, as I mentioned in the last post, insomnia in its truest form is not really a state of being awake; it is a state of not being asleep.  Different thing.

It is the battle between sleep and wakefulness that itself is the problem.  When the objective of the battle is to fall asleep, the insomniac finds herself failing continually.  The failing becomes a source of tension and self-criticism, and it is all very exhausting, but not sleep-inducing.

The failure to fall asleep is often the body’s way of saying that there are too many unresolved problems, too much that is not quite right in the world that cannot be solved safely enough to allow one to sleep.

So, just as Captain Kirk solved the Kobayashi Maru test by not accepting the parameters of the simulation and then reprogramming the computer, one must change the parameters of the sleep game.   Rather than try to fall asleep and repeatedly fail, try instead to stay awake.   If you succeed at doing this, you may be able to work toward resolving whatever it is that may be keeping you awake, or simply stay awake long enough that sheer exhaustion will eventually overcome you.

The key to staying awake is to stop trying to fall asleep.  It is that shift of focus that eases the burden of the conflict and gives sleep a welcome place to reside.   Get out of bed, fold the laundry, read a book, study a foreign language, or engage in whatever activity is leftover on the grand to-do list.   The worst-case scenario is that you will be up all night and tired the next day.   At work, you might have to fight the urge to fall asleep, but that is an urge you will be happy to have when you are home safe.

Sleep may be “nature’s soft nurse,” but while she may be on call she may be attending to other patients and unavailable.  In that case, try canceling the appointment.   At least for the moment, you may not need her, and trust that she will come when she is needed the most.